This Little Pig (rode_jurk) wrote,
This Little Pig
rode_jurk

  • Mood:

blahblahblah + pray for me please

it has been weeks since i've had any decent sleep.  i've been afraid of sleeping because it makes me feel vulnerable and not-in-control-of-anything.  being up day and night gives me the illusion that i can manage things because i am conscious.  when i am asleep you see, there is no way of controlling my dreams and emotions.  hence, all that i've repressed during the day come back to me and it is terrible.

i would love to have a dreamless sleep in the coming weeks.

i am nervous ... somewhat terrified really ... of what may happen in the days to come.  some good and some bad.

tomorrow is judgment day, in terms of family affairs.  while sunday will be crucial in terms of career and finances.  i have to play my cards right.  i know i am on the verge of something ... something big.  which, in house's terms, could save me or kill me.  differential diagnosis please.

so, though i'm not big on prayers, i am doing the equivalent: hoping, crossing my fingers, the works.  maybe tomorrow, a little rain dance.  this is big.  big break, says steppy.  and i'll be damned if i don't play my cards right.

so anyway, lj-friends, prayerful or not thou might be, please, could you please do your equivalent of praying?  andy will BELIEVE.  others may hope, others may just wish me luck.  whatever ... virtual hugs and holding of my hand is in order.  i really need the encouragement.

let's just say that personal things are on the rocks, so my only chance at redemption is that job.  i need to redirect my attention to something worthwhile.

ok, yun lang.  thanks for reading up to this point if you did.
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